I am no stranger to narcissistic abuse, both directly and indirectly (I’ll tell my story next time) however, in today’s society, the term narcissist gets thrown around FAR too loosely. Not everyone that is mean to you is a narcissist, sometimes they’re just a –not so nice -person but if you are finding yourself victim to a suspected narcissist, here are some sources and examples of behavior for confirmation.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by a long-term pattern of exaggerated self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. People with NPD often have an inflated sense of their own achievements and abilities, may exploit relationships and can be sensitive to criticism or perceived failure.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), NPD invloves:
- A persuasive pattern or grandiosity (in Fantasy or behavior)
- Need for Admiration
- Lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in variety of contexts.
Source: American Psychiatric Association.
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing, 2013.
10 Toxic Things a Narcissist Will Do in a Relationship (That Are Actually Abuse)
1. Withholding Money or Financial Support
Narcissists may control access to money, cancel credit cards, or withhold financial help as punishment when their partner does something they “don’t like.” This is called financial abuse—a powerful form of control.
(Source: National Network to End Domestic Violence, 2020)
2. Laughing at Your Pain
They’ll say something cruel—then when you express that it hurt you, they mock you or say you’re “too sensitive.” This tactic minimizes your feelings and erodes your self-worth.
(Source: Dr. Ramani Durvasula, clinical psychologist & narcissism expert)
3. Gaslighting
A narcissist will deny reality, even when you clearly remember what happened. “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things,” is how they twist the truth and make you question your memory.
(Source: American Psychological Association)
4. Blaming You for Everything
No matter what goes wrong, it’s somehow your fault. They rarely apologize and avoid accountability at all costs.
(Source: Mayo Clinic – Narcissistic Personality Disorder)
5. Love-Bombing Followed by Devaluation
At first, they shower you with attention and affection—then suddenly criticize, ignore, or discard you. This cycle keeps you anxious and desperate to get back to the “good” version of them.
(Source: Journal of Personality Disorders, 2017)
6. Isolation from Friends and Family
They subtly (or not-so-subtly) pull you away from the people who care about you most, leaving you more dependent on them for approval and connection.
(Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline)
7. Triangulation
Narcissists bring a third person (a friend, ex, or even a therapist) into the dynamic to create jealousy, competition, or confusion, making you feel insecure or “crazy.”
(Source: Dr. Karyl McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Free of You?)
8. Silent Treatment
They disappear, ignore you, or give you the cold shoulder as a form of punishment and control—leaving you desperate to “make things right.”
(Source: Psychology Today)
9. Projection
They accuse you of the very things they’re doing—cheating, lying, manipulating—so they can avoid being confronted themselves.
(Source: Psych Central)
10. Conditional Affection
Their love always has strings attached. If you don’t act how they want, they withhold affection, support, or communication.
(Source: Mental Health America)
Abuse doesn’t always leave bruises. If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you deserve better.
For support: [800-799-7233 – National Domestic Violence Hotline] or visit thehotline.org
Sources:
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• American Psychological Association
• Mayo Clinic
• Dr. Ramani Durvasula
• Psychology Today
• Journal of Personality Disorders
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